On Respect and The Martial Artist

If you’re a senior or high-ranking martial artist (and, of course, I am speaking to --and about --myself), you have to, first, ask yourself why you need someone to show you “respect.” Do you think you deserve it? Is it important for you to be acknowledged?

When I am thinking clearly, I let go of my own expectations and needs with regards to respect, and I stand in a place where I don’t need anything, any “signs of respect” from people around me.


When I was younger I demanded it. The customs in my school included having everyone stand up when I walked in the room. Everyone was required to bow and give me a polite greeting; and I was addressed with a title before my name, always.


But as I looked more deeply at what I was doing, I began to shed my own need for outward signs of respect from other people. It’s not that I don’t like to be treated like a king, as I don’t mind that at all, but what I don’t want any part of is the attachment to what it means when someone does --or does not --acknowledge my superiorness, rank, experience, good looks, or whatever it is about myself that I personally hold in such high esteem.

I am better, more centered, more whole, and more in the moment when I bring my own respect with me, instead of looking for it from others.


As an exercise (a practice), I now try to only give respect. I acknowledge others, with a bow, with a Wai, with a smile, with a handshake or a hug, with some kind of recognition that in body language is designed to make them feel cared for and/or important.


I don’t ask to be called anything but “Tom.” I don’t expect a bow or any acknowledgment, as I am seeking to shed my need for it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want or like to be treated like someone special, it means that I am looking deeply at what’s behind that kind of thinking / need.

On the other side of that, I feel it is a very important part of my own practice, for my own mindset, to show people around me respect, especially my seniors. When my teacher walks into the room, I stand up. I bow. I give a polite greeting --and I try to say, non-verbally, “I love you and am grateful to have you here today --and in my life.”

For me, at this time in my life, this is my practice.

Tom Callos


Tom Callos is my mentor and team coach for The Ultimate Black Belt Test and The 100, both are programs for master instructors and school owners.